I can not believe how much time I wasted today. I know what I wanted to do today, but that was elminated a few days back. However, it did give me hours upon hours to think.
So that is what I did. I didn’t do my homework. I didn’t have fun. I sat and thought about what has happened to me. Why is it that I have these fatalistic faults that cost me a majority of my friendships.
Why is it I ask out somewhat “wild” girls what I am more the calm and sensitive type. We thought about this, and realized, I wasn’t always the calm and sensitive type.
I used to be daring to try new things. I would play sports, new computer games, meet new people. Then something happened. A rather bad thing. To protect myself from myself I locked me up.
I did such a good job of locking that person up and creating a new me, I hadn’t realized even the need to get “me” back. After hours of thinking of ways to do this. We realized, some people already have.
Some people know how to see me. When they do, they get scared. That makes sense. We figured out that the person that was Justin, is now a rather scary fellow. The pain, conflict, anger has been built up inside him.
Luckily, he is trapped and will be forever now. The new Justin will just have to find out how to live without the old one. The only problem with this new Justin, he lacks “fun”. Oh well I guess. That is the price I pay to eliminate my past.
We must create more fun now… Shout out to my friends. Especially those new ones of mine that I just started talking to on AIM today (yeah that weird person that had an hour long conversation about everything ranging from the cause of causes and physics).
Sepecial Shout out to Nikki and Sarah as well. Happy belated Birthday Sarah.
Todays CD: Mandy Moore – I Wanna Be With You
Insite to Life: The only thing worth worrying about in life is the future.