I have long believed that one’s mood is controlled by oneself. If you want to be in a bad mood, you are. If you want to be happy, you can be. However, with this I believe we give control of our emotions to others as well. So, for example, I have decided to let Amber control many of my emotions where it makes sense for her to do so. I’m nost sure anything I’m saying makes sense, but it feels like it needs to get written.
The interesting thing about this emotional thing is when humans start to make irrational decisions about how they will feel. For example, I woke up this morning with a decision I made within seconds of waking up. I decided I was going to hate today. I decided I was upset. I decided I had things to do. I decided that I just didn’t care. In fact, for a brief moment, I just didn’t want to move. There was no point. Why get out of bed when you know your going to dread today. It’s a horrible way to wake up.
But why would I dread today? What reason do I have? Is it because nascar polling is on in an hour? Is it because I have a task list of about 15 to 20 things to do? Is it because people want to do things tonight? Is it because I’m not in control of my environment. My leadership has fallen to some degree. It used to be that people called me on Fridays and Saturdays to ask me what’s going on. Now, it’s Amber tells me what’s going on. I used to go out with groups of 5 to ten people, sometimes more. Now I’m lucky if I get 4. I don’t feel like I’ve lost friends. I don’t feel like anyone really changed. I know that a lot of it has to do with college and the fact that many of us are more than 30 minutes away from each other now. I know that I’m busy with Amber quite often, and I know money has become more of an issue for me lately. I know that what life has turned into isn’t a bad thing, and I know that life doesn’t always go like we think it should.
So with all that said, why am I sitting at my computer dreading today. What is it that I have to dread. I will more than likely see the love the of my life tonight. I will probably go racing with John at the MOA which sounds like fun to me. Why is it though, that it just doesn’t seem to matter.
Last night though, I had fun. Amber and I went out on a dinner double date if you will (although I don’t think anyone called it that). Dan and Sheila, and Amber and I attended what would be my first trip to Chili’s in Woodbury. Just like the Chili’s in Mapplewood, the food was good, service was good, price was resonable. All in all a good time. I enjoy going out with Dan, he’s a down to earth guy and other than computers, we can for the most part find things to talk about. On top the of that, Sheila was pretty cool. She sits so straight, which just amazes me to no end, but still cool. I hope she didn’t feel to out of place last night.
In some other news, I got a Pocket PC which I’m working on writing some syncing software for. My goal is to be able to put my Calendar and Task list online. There is a joke about being able to book me online. We’ll see about that.
So I’m going to get back to other things for a little while while I figure out what life is going to throw my way next. For now, fair winds.