Rinsefirst

The sites temporarily closed for the next week or 2. Due to the stress of Finals, Christmas, and life in general over roughly the next 2 weeks, I don’t want to be worrying about updating. I promise to be back by the 1st of the year.
I’ll even come back with a long post…
Later all.

So… My last class is over. That means I have 4 finals and a homework assignment left before the end of the year officially. Pretty cool if you ask me. I wonder if I can get A’s on all my finals. That would be nice.
The DDR pad is scheduled to arrive tomorrow sometime VIA FedEX. The adapter to hook it up to my computer I guess had already arrived and it is just being with-held from me. Erg is what I have to say to that.
I gotta go make a phone call now, just wanted to let you all know, that there will be a DDR pad in the house tomorrow… Whether or not it stays here tomorrow night, that’s a slightly different issue.

So my lunch with Derek went well. We talked and talked and talked some more. It’s always enjoyable to discuss your problems with someone that cares. We don’t even need to come to resolutions, just need to discuss how we feel about things, if thats the way we should be feeling, and how we should feel in the future. It’s a highly complex discussion, even if it does involve Taco Supreme’s without the supreme.
After that it was physics with little to nothing to do. Those are the best physics classes.
After that it was lunch with Richard. We always have a good time as well, and get this, we got fries with our desert… Or maybe the desert came with our fries… All I know is that can’t be a standard order for most people.
So that’s been my day so far. I’m now going to do more STATS homework as well as maybe try to get my sony camera to work on a linux box. We’ll see how that goes. Later all.

Well I love starting my day this way. I’m on my way to Taco Bell to go meet with Derek about life the universe and everything. It should be fun.
I love Amber.

My last post may have seemed a bit awkward. If it did, I’m sorry. Let’s just move on, shall we?
I would like to start by saying that my CSCI quiz went wonderfully. No spectacular. Literally, like 5 minutes before the quiz, did the stuff finally click. The kid sitting next to me had been having the same issue I was, but we didn’t get to talk before the test… So when the test was done, he knew he got both wrong.. When the test was done for me, I was sure I got both right. People around me seemed to want to agree with my answers as well. That’s always a good sign.
My Math Lecture is now officially done for the year as well. That’s good.
Church was good. Tonights topic was on Homosexuality. I would get into the details of what we talked about, but I don’t really want to. To make the long story short… As most of us would probably agree, it’s wrong. However, that’s doesn’t mean you judge, or condemn those who are. You love them. You care for them. And if you can… You help them. Kindly. I would get more into this, but I’m not looking to start a debate… Just know, I’m standing on the bible, not maybe what’s easiests.
Ended up going to Damon’s afterwards. That was fun. Paige joined the normal crew, which made it more interesting. Yep yep.
And now, I’m home and about to crawl into bed before another quite possibly long day tomorrow. Gotta make a run for the border at 1100am.. Which means I must first be awake. Now there could be a challenge. Later all.

This post has the potential be long. Very very long. However, it probably won’t be… So here goes.
To start with, I should be studying as we speak together in this one way online forum. I should be looking at Computer Science trying to grasp the one thing all year that hasn’t quite made perfect sense. I would hate to fail the last test after doing so well all year. I would like to get a perfect on it and at least give myself a chance at getting an A in the class. It saddens me that I’m no longer really a 4.0. I’m no longer the genius I once was. That’s ok though. I do like who I am, and the things I don’t like, I’m changing.
Amber and I are continuing to have problems. This probably isn’t the place to share it, but it probably isn’t something worth hiding. I’m not positive the problems are between us either. I’m just no longer sure I want to or am able to handle the magnitude of the problems coming from her family. I don’t have any desire to break up with her, but Amy said something last night that made sense. She said that if it’s hurting you and it’s hurting the relationship, and Amber can’t fix it… Then I need to get out. That makes sense. I’m not though, and I won’t, because I believe Amber can fix it. She has to. And she seems to be making and effort to do so. And I’m here to help her to my best ability, and that’s what matters more than anything. I’m here to help.
So that said, that sounds kind of down. But it’s how I’m going to roll into my next topic. I’ve been angry more than usual lately. People have been doing things to me that inadvertently put me down or cause trouble for me. Not to mention the sheer frustration created by the previous topic. I don’t like being angry, and it generally takes a lot to get me there. So maybe it’s time to step back and fight the source. Why am I not being as tolerate as normal? Good question. It’s something for Derek, Sim, and I to talk about tomorrow.
That brings me to another side issue. With Amber being all concerned that I’m going to leave her, the fact that Nikki has been hurting as well lately has caused me to be divided. And seeing as Amber is my girlfriend, most of my attention has gone there. The worst part is the more I help Nikki, the more Amber has an issue with it. I can’t say I don’t understand that, but at the same time, it’s uncalled for. I’m not leaving Amber for Nikki…
So, that brings me to helping Nikki. I know I haven’t been around much for her. The combination of school, work, distance, and life in general has not made it as possible as it used to be. So I read her site and try to get a grasp of things. This talk about leaving or coming home or being as confused or more confused than everyone else concerns me but is understandable. We all seem to be falling apart lately, and no one can find the source. But as for helping Nikki, I don’t know what to do. It’s as if she wants us to show her we care. She wants us to show her that we want her to stay. And because she isn’t getting the reaction she is expecting to the statement about the return to UCLA, she’s a little worried. Well Nik, here is my reaction. We would love it if you stayed. You’re a great friend. And it’s awesome being able to do stuff with ya even if it’s just trivial pursuit or wasting you at Mario Kart. However, I’m going to tell you to go to UCLA. I always have. It’s a great school and it has the potential to send you places you’ve never been. However, do it only if you want to. If you want to stay here, close to friends, close to family, and go to Concordia here, that’s cool too. Just know we want what’s best for you, not what’s best for us. That’s why no one is telling you to come back from St. Cloud, and why no one is telling you that you need to stay. It’s a matter of what’s best for you, and you are the only one that happens to know what that is. College will help determine who you become, what you want to become determines where you go. Remember that, and you could go far.
That brings me to my next statement. Where am I going? I have 8 different paths, non of which are near complete. When I was younger, I wanted to go to MIT… I gave up that dream for ease of life. I want to start JR Corps, but that too seems to go by the wayside. I want to get A’s in school, but I don’t study. I never follow through on the means to get what I want… I just expect what I want to come to me… It always has in time, it always has. If you wait and continue trying, sooner or later your efforts will be rewarded. It’s just the timing on those efforts that sometimes fails. I don’t know. My path is not set in stone. I can change my life in a moments notice. Is where I’m going where I want to be?
I know one thing is not going where I want it to be. My bank account. The combination of eating out and not working does not do good things to it over time. It’s not to it’s all time low yet, but if I don’t make some money over Christmas break, it will either by empty by June, or close to it. This happened once before if I remember… Sometime around May of last year.. The thing that saved me was graduation money. Strange how that works. Will birthday money save me this time? I’m not as low as that time, but it’s getting there.. I can feel it.
So where does this post leave me? Same place I was yesterday, same place I will be tomorrow. For things to change, it would take people who wish to change them, and overall, I’m happy. The things that change are changing. The amount of money I’ve spent in the last two weeks is lower than the 2 weeks before that. My concerns with others are being dealt with via communication. So change will happen. It’s just a matter of who’s going to change what.
My mom is going to to the doctor today, hopefully the plan to get her to and from there goes alright. We all have busy lives, so when one of us leaves, it get’s difficult to maintain the others. That’s family.
So that’s my post. Anyone ever notice that I start a lot of my paragraphs with “so”? I do.