So I wake up on this fine Saturday. I then become extremely bored. This leads to thinking. This is leads to problems with myself. I will however explain that later while I think about it. It will probably be at the end of this post.
I spent the afternoon online playing yahoo’s Tornadoe 21 or what not. Needless to say, I am a loser and can’t score over 2000 points. Either way, if anyone knows how those people are getting millions without playing 3 hour games, please email me. I figure there is some combo I don’t know about that I have to find that has something to do with twisters and 21.
After my card playing fun, I went over to Woodbury Days. This event takes place in our city once a year and is basically our city get-together. I helped out in our church’s booth thingy by bringing in my Nintendo Gamecube. We had people come and play Wave Race for candy bars. It was a good amount of fun. Amber was apparently sold on the system and might buy one shortly. Jake was there and was much help in getting the TV and stuff set up. I am not sure why I am mentioning all these people. Rich and Chris showed up next. We kind of lost them, but I will save that for next paragraph. Ben, Cory, and Mike also came. Again next paragraph. John of course showed up as well. Ok now for that next paragraph.
After this whole woodbury days was done for me, it was time to go. First, however, I had to go take a ride in Ben’s new Camero. That car can move! To bad his clutch isn’t working quite right. Well, with 5 people in a 4 person car, they cruised me around the block and then back to the festival where John and I hoped to meet up with Rich and Chris so we could load the car and get to Damon’s. Needless to say, Chris and Rich had been lost. I later found out when Sim Joined us at Damon’s that they had gone to watch the fireworks that I had only seen 3 minutes of. So yeah, me and John missed them, but we went and got Nikki and were all happy at Damon’s as well.
At Damon’s, many cool things happened. Let’s start with football. Nebraska WON! Surprise! We are on our way to yet another championship. This is good! Dad is always easier to deal with when we beat teams by 30 points every game. About an hour after that was done, my favorite racer Jeff Gordan won at Bristol. He has been having an overall rough season so it is good to see him get his first win. Not only that, he is now third in the point standings. This means, quite possibly, another championship for him as well! I love being on the winning team… ok not always, I mean, I do cheer for the Cubs and Vikings right?
It was then time to take Nikki home and come home and write this entry. I heard music on the way home that seemed kind of interesting. Marc et Claude – Tremble (CJ Stone Mix). Yeah, techno I know, but it was a club mix. Either way… I am downloading it now while I type this entry.
Nikki goes on a family vaction in a few days. I doubt I will see her before she leaves. I don’t know what I will do while she is gone. I figure work at MSA and work at home. That seems to be what I do this time of year anyway. Either way, it will be like the first time since the cabin earlier this summer that we won’t have contact. It just feels weird already. Good time to hang with Sim and John as well. We might be going racing for 75 laps tommorow. That would be cool.
Speaking of video games. Mario Sunshine comes out monday. Normally when a cool game such as this comes out, I start working on the SMRC again. I don’t know if it will happen this time around or not. We’ll see. I think first, John‘s site needs to be upgraded to PHP and database entries so that we can get him on the internet fast track.
Thinking.
This is where this post is going to get weird because it will only make sense to me. This is because I am going to be using a lot of subject pronouns and refrences to obscure things that my head pinpoints. For those of you who would like to interpret this: go ahead. IF you get it right, I will deny it. If you get it wrong, I will still deny it. This makes for a pointless game, so you might as well leave it alone. Enjoy reading however.
My mind is fighting itself. It always is. This is the 2nd time in history that this battle has been waged in my head. I don’t like it. I don’t know how to beat it. The battle consists of a discrepancy between what I say and what I think. This discrepancy keeps my life simple. Without it, things would be different. Without it, this would not be a problem. There in lies the curious part about this. So logically, if I don’t want this problem, I have to remove the discrepancy. However, this makes my life not so simple. So then it comes down to Simple VS Problem.
Knowing this you can way the pros and cons of each option. With the simple life, things stay as they are. You are happy, most of the time. You are motivated. You have friends. You have family. You have everything you need. You also have the problem. If you remove the problem. You might be really happy, but you also have the potential to be really sad. You have the possibly of becoming extremely unmotivated. You have the possiblity of damaging friendships. You might have everything you want and need. You might not.
That being said. The risks are shown. We can almost go as far as saying we can simplify it to another level. This is the level of Happy Vs ReallyHappy Vs Really Sad. So using math, we can try to assign value and say that if ReallyHappy – Happy > Happy – Sad then we should try to remove the problem. There seems to be an issue when assigning mathmatical values to this. I can tell you the order they are in. Needless to say, this is where my mind stops and my heart kicks in.
Letting my heart play is not a good option. It leads to me doing strange and unapproiate things. Things like, asking people to marry me, offering to have sex, running away from home. The curious thing about letting my heart play is that right after my heart says do something, the moment I do it, my mind kicks back in and says: that wasn’t the right option. This leads me to believe we should always check with the mind to make sure it knows what it wants to do.
So where am I going with this? What decision have I made? I have taken the way it is now. Stay simple. Let the problem solve itself as it should. Ironically, the moment I start to think like this, I realize there is no problem. The problem was self-created. The problem is with one’s self. Therefore, if I don’t like it, I can make it go away without issue. Ahh yes, the complicated moral, ethical, internal struggle of a teenager.
The question is: Why can’t my life work out the way I wanted it to when I was 15. I wanted my whole world to be Boy Meets World. That would be so cool. Meet the girl you marry young. Have just the right amount of problems. Have a cool best friend that you can be there for and have there for you. Go to college with your friends. Man, Ben Savage had it all. Speaking of which, Rider Strong has his own website: http://www.riderstrong.com/. It’s always a little out of date, but hey, the guy is pretty cool when it comes right down to it.
Needless to say, I wanted my life to be that simple. It turns out it can’t be and so instead I write this to confuse all of you as to whatever it is I really am talking about with this post. This post is almost as meaningful as those stories I write from time to time. The one’s where the character has no name, you think they are based on real events, and I write them. If you haven’t read my stories, than well… you haven’t read them. I thought once that I could take my writing style and apply it to a larger project. This did not seem like a good idea because people like to have names for characters. Either way, perhaps I will write another one soon.
I need a new logo as well. Man, I am falling behind! I suppose so. People keep telling me school starts in a week. They ought to be shot, I just finished 3 weeks ago!
Well, I think this post tops some of my more longer ones. I figure I will let it stop there. Everyone enjoy their lives, and until my next truely good post, keep reading.
Oh one more thing. On the way home I decided I would put song lyrics in my post this time around. Just ones that I heard on the radio. God knows why. So here they are for you enjoyment. I am sure you know the song.
“A Thousand Miles”
Making my way downtown
Walking fast
Faces passed
And I’m home bound
Staring blankly ahead
Just making my way
Making my way
Through the crowd
And I need you
And I miss you
And now I wonder….
If I could fall
Into the sky
Do you think time
Would pass me by
‘Cause you know I’d walk
A thousand miles
If I could
Just see you
Tonight
It’s always times like these
When I think of you
And I wonder
If you ever
Think of me
‘Cause everything’s so wrong
And I don’t belong
Living in your
Precious memories
‘Cause I need you
And I miss you
And now I wonder….
If I could fall
Into the sky
Do you think time
Would pass me by
‘Cause you know I’d walk
A thousand miles
If I could
Just see you
Tonight
And I, I
Don’t want to let you know
I, I
Drown in your memory
I, I
Don’t want to let this go
I, I
Don’t….
Making my way downtown
Walking fast
Faces passed
And I’m home bound
Staring blankly ahead
Just making my way
Making my way
Through the crowd
And I still need you
And I still miss you
And now I wonder….
If I could fall
Into the sky
Do you think time
Would pass us by
‘Cause you know I’d walk
A thousand miles
If I could
Just see you…
If I could fall
Into the sky
Do you think time
Would pass me by
‘Cause you know I’d walk
A thousand miles
If I could
Just see you
If I could
Just hold you
Tonight
-VANESSA CARLTON