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look out, its coming back…

Overall, pretty uneventful day. Talking with Nikki was great as always. Playing DDR at Carmike till 10:30 was grand as well. Working wasn’t so much fun either was school.

Sim has informed me that the past that I did such a horrible job handling is coming back and the past wants me to help to fix it. This is one of those times in life where if you ask two people for the same story for the same time frame, you will get two completely different stories. I buried my past to protect myself from myself. I buried my past to protect others from myself. Anger is powerful.

So now, here I was. Content with where I was going. I look back on it because I am told I have to. I see the old me. Back when I was “The Doughboy”. I remember never swearing. I remember getting straight A’s. I remember being intelligent. I remember having goals. Something broke in me. It has been repaired to the person you have been reading for the last 140 posts. There are some snagging issues, but nothing that can ever do that much damage again.

That, however, may not be true. To me, the old me was killed. He had to be because he was weak. He was trusting. He was naive. If you try to bring the old me back, you risk destroying what I have now. You risk destroying both of us permenantly. For if you destroy who I am now, and the old me has to live with the live I have now… I will fail. Not even a tap of Ctrl-Alt-Del could reboot that system.

On the upside… There are some other options. As opposed to taking down walls, which is what I’ve been doing with each new person I meet… I could put some more up to lock my memories so that I don’t remember the damage I did to myself. As Sim says… things will resolve themselves. All in good time… All in good time…

I am not sure any plans are solid for tommorow. It sounds like Movie Night, Football game, Damons?, Whatever… It doesn’t matter to me right now. I wonder if I can figure out how to be where I want to be tommorow.